Life is moving ahead

Well, I've just officially applied for graduation. Somehow it makes it so much more concrete.

I don't want to grow up.

Revision

It's really difficult for me to look into my archives and not want to change things, such as deleting expletives (it never makes me sound cooler and I don't think it ever makes anyone sound smarter), uncapitalizing sentences, hiding whole posts entirely. It's hard for me to hold back.

George Lucas keeps changing his films and everyone keeps complaining. Michel de Montaigne added new things to his essays all the time, changing his mind and such, but he also wrote that he never takes anything back, that everything he wrote, even if they contradict themselves, is true. I've read through quite a few webcomics where the art is atrocious in the beginning, but improves dramatically as the story goes on, and the present day page is a beautiful work of art.

So. I will ban myself from changing anything aside from spelling and grammar mistakes in my old posts. If anyone ever reads this, please go easy on me.

Drifting rice

A username I used to use, and no longer use, is RiceDrifter. It's based on a combination of the various meanings of my various real life names, which is why I was surprised when, some years ago, someone came up to me in a MMO to tell me "nice username" (or something to that effect). I was confused because it I didn't think it sounded particularly cool on its own. Was my name creating skills really so great?

It was only until very recently that I realized that he probably, probably thought that my name was referring to cars, ricers, and me, drifting them.

Harry S Truman

We have something in common, that president and I.
Our middle names are just one letter.

And while he was content with using "Harry S. Truman" in his life--signing it as such, making official letterheads with it as such--I am not. I am a little sick of people helpfully adding a period after my middle name, as if I had forgotten to fill the rest of it in on my forms. No, you guys, that is my full middle name. I'm graduating this year, and I want it proper on my diploma.

Home

Fuck, I don't remember ever being this homesick. I want to be home so badly. I want my mom, my dad, my brother. My bed, my couch. Classes seem to be a world away. I feel like crying, but not enough to actually cry. Maybe it's because I feel so sick? I think there's something really wrong with me. I'm worried this will happen again. I'm worried they won't find anything. I hope going to the school doctor will help. I really, really hope so. I want to be healthy and happy again.

I want to be home.
I just want to be home.

About me

Here is the "About Me" I was thinking about putting on Facebook before I chickened out:

Hi! I have the coolest friends. They make me cool by proxy! I love traveling and languages, but I also love home. Procrastination is the bane of my existence; I'm not proud of it at all. I never want to be shy. I like anime and manga a lot but I'm not confident enough to admit it to most people. I think I'm kind of smart. I need to be healthier.

Lack of skills

I wish I were a normal person for whom driving is an unnoticed part of everyday life, like setting alarms or buying groceries.

This sucks.