I am not a good person 1.5

Sometimes I really like myself; I think I'm great, I can do things, I'm confident.

And other times I think, who am I kidding? I'm not like that main movie character who doesn't even notice social boundaries because of his big heart and naivety. I'm not like that person who has the presence of mind and the guts to do what he thinks is right when it really counts. There are times when I stayed firmly in line even when I should've stepped out. There are times when I wish to take something back as soon as it comes out of my mouth.

There are the moments I will never forget. The ones that come up every time I think, who am I kidding?

As soon as I turned away from that girl I regretted it, and as soon as I stepped into the classroom I wanted to run back out and see if she was still there. I would've grabbed her hands even if they were dirty and and I would've pulled her out. But I didn't.

I am not a good person 1

When I was in fifth grade, there was one time at the end of recess, when I was walking back to class from the playground, and I heard someone call out. I turned and saw another kid with a lot of freckles and brown hair cut into a mullet. I couldn't tell if she was a girl or a boy, but I later found out from our yearbook that she was a girl, and she was my age.

She called out and said, "Can you help me?" because somehow she had ended up tangled in one of the climbing nets. It was patient and it was a plea. She couldn't figure out how to get out. She was a "special education" kid, and I was scared. Her hands were dirty. Will she be clingy?

"Sorry," I said, after five agonizing seconds, "I have to go."
Then I walked away.