Well, shit

I just got my ass kicked in Calculus discussion.

It's my earliest class at 8:10 am, so I woke up at 7:00, got dressed, grabbed my backpack and a granola bar, and headed off to find the classroom. I got there early, so I sat on some steps nearby while I waited, falling half asleep and simultaneously enjoying the morning air before the day got ridiculously hot.

So at 7:56, I walk into the classroom, hoping for and expecting clarification on the previous two lectures, which I mostly understood but wanted reinforcement for because the professor was--how do say it--he sucked, basically. I dug through my bag for a while, looking for my favorite pencil and eraser, which weren't there. In fact, I had neither pencils nor erasers.

And BAM I get hit with a diagnostic test.

Never saw it coming.

I walked back to my dorms dejected and still reeling, wondering if it was really okay to integrate separate parts of a function when they were being added together, and if the TA would laugh at me when he saw that I couldn't even differentiate tangent.

Mood: Irritable

Fucking college.

I didn't take AP English, with all the analyzing and historical background-learning and techniques just to tell you the name of the stupid lawyer on page one. Applied Intermediate Composition? Please. This is 9th grade: what is a symbol? You and your stupid college-level education, your stupid "this isn't high school anymore" spiel. Bleh.

And you know what else bothers me here? There is a communal bathroom in the hall. One of the biggest pet peeves of mine (I decided this after a week of listening to it while I was trying to mind my own business) is when people use WAY TOO MUCH PAPER TOWEL. They just push the damn lever so fast and so many times, until the stream of paper coming out of the dispenser is nearly touching the ground. YOU DON'T NEED THAT MUCH. It's irresponsible and wasteful. This is why the paper towels run out all the time, idiot.

....Okay, yeah, angry rants aren't quite as eloquently written as non-angry ones.

I ate ramen for breakfast today

Well. Here I am, my first full day at college.
I am so tired, I'm not sure what I should say about it. I thought I'd have a lot to say--how I feel, how it is, what I hope for and what I fear--but right now I'm probably still soaking it all in.

So there you are. Most likely I'll come back with more in-depth info, but right now I'm going to slowly attempt to catch up on my internet life (which had been put on hold for an incredible three days--I know).

Later days. =)

Feeling Better

After sixth grade, I didn't think I'd ever be so happy to gain weight again.

SKY 2 HIGH

I am so giddy.
You see, I just found out that avex finally released a second Air Gear original soundtrack: Who Wants More Groovy Trick!!?? Although, since apparently it was released back in February, I am way late on the bandwagon. But who cares?? I bought the first soundtrack in all its legal, imported glory, mostly looking forward to the Chain remixes, which marked the most dramatic moments in the show. There was none of that on the CD, as I so disappointedly found out. (It's still a very good disk.) In fact, the only Chain-related song on the first OST was the tv-size version.

So, anyway, I did a search on Google today for "Back-on Chain instrumental" and found a Back-on fan forum which linked to a site where I could download the entire album at 320 kbps. YES.

I mean, I did feel a little bad that I just got a whole album without paying, but come on, I am one of the few people who actually purchases their songs at all, and I bought the first OST already. And I might buy the second one anyway. I just... really needed to listen to these songs. Like, now.

And they didn't disappoint at all. It's on repeat at the moment.

AIR GEAR BGM FOR THE WIN.
(Thank you Skankfunk. Your remixes are genius.)

...

Man, this just made my day.

At that speed, even tears will dry

I haven't cried this much in a week since--I've never cried this much in a week.

Since I am very, very sick, and have been so for the last three weeks, I have an excuse. I'm very vulnerable. It's a subject of curiosity, though; my doctor said that all my miserable symptoms could have been caused by stress, but I feel no stress. When this stupid illness started, in fact, I was feeling quite carefree and joyful, with no school to worry about and the Olympic Games to watch every night.

But maybe it's some sort of hidden stress. Maybe it's all these problems I never talk about. (Uh. They will not be talked about here. For now.)

The first time I cried was because my eyes felt hot, then it was because it made me feel better, then it was because I felt helpless.

Today I got a going-away card from two of my classmates at music practice, and oh my God, I bawled. People just don't go out of their way to tell me--much of anything, really, least of all how much they loved and appreciated me. They appreciated me. They must have put "I love you" in there at least seven times. And (I know this is a little morbid) I thought, they are people who, if I died, would not only attend my funeral but cry there, for me.

Yeah. I'm appreciated.
This really means a lot to me.

I know it's cheesy, but maybe I should tell more people I appreciate them.

Here we go again

Today I read through my journal on Gaia. I had started it so I would have an obscure place to--you know--gush about anime, rant about my parents, divulge thoughts about my crushes. So I read through them again, thinking that I'd probably be very embarrassed, like when I go back to my old works of fiction (I shudder, here). I wasn't embarrassed. In fact, I was pretty entertained. I go through webcomics like a rabid dog? Did I write that?

I've stumble through other people's blogs before, and yes, I've read through them. Complete strangers had just given me a glimpse into their lives and their minds. It was like reading a story--a sardonic story about mundane events, really, but when you put them together you get, I dunno, an image. Some food for thought. I wished I could do that.

But wait. Looks like I can, afterall!

I told this to my brother Calvin. I said, "I think I want to make a blog."
He said, "Oh, okay. Why don't you just tell the world you're a douchebag?"

Oh. I'm joining the world--excuse me--the blogosphere of "I'm currently listening to" and "Hillary looks a bit fat" and "today I found out that the bowl ramen I eat everyday supplied me with 112% of my daily intake of sodium". Your standard layman blog is pretty egotistical, yeah. I'm pretty egotistical. I want to have someone read my blog and maybe my life can entertain them for a few seconds. Maybe I can dole out food for thought. An audacious hope (wait; that kind of sounds like Obama's book), sure. A little.

Anyway. A couple years ago I had a diary equivalent thing of a blog, right here on blogspot. Back before blogs were popular. Or maybe it was eblogger. Hm. I saw someone's Livejournal, and I wanted one too, but back then you had to be referred, so I wandered to... a blog site similar to this one. That blog is since looooong gone. So here I am again. I'm back.

Here goes nothing.
Really.